Ifthis headline piqued your interest, you might be living in lack. What I mean by this is, your focus might be on what you want, rather than what you have. And when that happens, you’re just not your best self. And you’re typically not getting what you so desperately want, either.
I prefer to live in abundance – where I see and feel the glory of my life, and I’m grateful for it. When I have new desires (or even pesky old ones) I like to see them as already “happening.” And when I can cop this attitude, I see evidence of the progress every day, everywhere.
We all hope to be zen about our lives, and not WANT what we don’t have with FEROCITY. And Coaches have an occupational requirement to “live in abundance.” But I’m here to admit, that even we have our “LACK” moments, days or sometimes, weeks.
No matter how much I have – a novel that I’m writing with great joy, fascinating clients, a fun and funny family, a beautiful house in sunny Los Angeles, a great relationship with my husband – there will always be deep wants lurking beneath my abundance. For me, I will always want to be rich and thin. There, I said it. I will want this even when I am rich and thin. Hell, by some standards, I AM rich and thin. (You’ve heard of “Hot in Cleveland?”)
So, what is the value in focusing on what I don’t/can’t/won’t have? At least not today? Absolutely none. And yet, that’s what most of us do. And when I’m feeling low, it’s what I do, too.
I’m just coming out of a week or so of “LACK.” Looking back, from where I am now, it seems almost comical. For many days, I let my little setbacks and disappointments add up to a story in my head, that actually had me in tears last weekend. I started to believe the story in my head – that I’d never succeed financially, and that I could never lose weight, “so why try?” And even “no one cares about me, anyway.” This head of steam grew out of several things that were getting me down – worry about my parents’ health, sore teeth from dentist visits, a funeral of a friend, Hurricane Irma, 9/11, and my baby son (who is 20, btw) leaving for school. I miss him.
As recently as yesterday, I believed all the pain I felt about all these small events were evidence of my age-old gripes and fears – I’m fat and broke. Meanwhile, I am actually both, and neither. What is important is, my “Poor me” mood and “lack” outlook helped me not, nada, zero. First of all, I felt pretty sorry for myself, so I needed treats. Secondly, I was stalled and overwhelmed by my work, and was unproductive for several days, which was exacerbated by days out of the office (the aforementioned funeral, dentist appointments, moving my son into his dorm etc.) So all of these delays fed my overall fear that I was never going to get ahead, and I couldn’t do business stuff (and who was I kidding?). It’s all stuff and nonsense. But I believed my own crap.
One day – maybe bec you talked with your coach – you see it for what it is. This bad feeling is not proof of your deepest fears about how horrible you are. It is you, trying to keep you in resistance. And, not for nothing, it’s working. It is you, trying to keep you in lack – so you feel grabby, needy, and like a loser. Your brain thinks this kind of fear and humiliation might motivate you to grab what you need, and get off your butt and do something. But it backfires, day after day.
Coaches are supposed to remember to live in abundance. So, sometimes I hope for that attitude so I can seem “good” to myself and others. It’s a fake sense of pretend-abundance. As I’m faking abundance with a friend or acquaintance, I’m thinking: “I wish I could afford the shoes you’re wearing or eat cookies with abandon, and look as good as you do.” That is not the shift you’re looking for. You are (I was) still living in lack.
Until that day – when your perspective shifts, and you remember that it feels good to feel good. And the sense of lack lifts, bec you realize you can change everything. You can see things differently. You can stop feeling like you deserve a treat bec your life is so bad. What you deserve is freedom from that overwhelming belief in your lack, and access to your abundance, anew. That fog lifts and you can’t believe you believed that son-of-a-bitch brain of yours that is always trying to make you feel bad and keep you in its thrall.
I share this moment as I return to abundance, basically bec I’m feeling generous and secure in myself. This is the shift I was looking for. Yay. If you’re believing the “I’m no good” thoughts in your head, right now, let’s talk. No charge. Just reply to this email, and I’ll get you in my schedule. You deserve to feel your abundance, now, too.