On NPR, this past Thursday, (10/18/18) I learned it was World Menopause Day. I hadn’t known there was such a thing – but women all around the world need to begin to talk about Menopause more. It is shocking how little women know about it, as they approach that age. Even in the US – a fairly enlightened arena for women’s health, we only talk about the bad side effects. A quick search of the memes relating to Menopause focus on physical and emotional distress. At least, humor implies we are dealing with it.

I listened to the British journalist interview three African women about how it feels to be menopausal in their experience. They call us “Off-layers” said one, referring to chickens who no longer lay eggs. One woman said it was her mother who said, “you are a man, now. I cried.” All three cited instances where their work suffered or they were actively discriminated against. They were no longer “front room” secretaries, for example. One woman was told to sit in the back room, where it would be difficult for her to do her job effectively. She was sure she would be fired soon, as a result.

There is a different – and great – effect of Menopause

There’s of course, the end of all the mess, inconvenience and hormonal shifts of having a period. As Dr. Christianne Northrup, NYT bestselling author of The Wisdom of Menopause describes it (and I’m paraphrasing)

In menopause, you switch from alternating current to direct current.

You no longer have days of testosterone and feeling confident and keen, followed by days dominated by progesterone, feeling uncertain and foggy. You have a steady hormone supply and your expectations for yourself build steadily, reliably.

I wish I could reach out to the three African women who bravely talked about physical symptoms, like “dry mouth, and dry down-there” on international radio. “Me husband and me, we work it out,” she said. In my own experience, I began to feel invisible, irrelevant and in a way… glad of it. There is real liberty in being removed from men’s gaze, and public scrutiny of everything I do. People judge moms with severity, but 50+ year olds are just “written off.” With just the slight reprieve of constant interest, I began to notice I worried significantly less about what other people thought of me. I was actually free.

Here, in the US, we’ve begun to talk about menopause, but as a punchline, and as opportunistic product lines. We have specially targeted KY jelly products. And multiple pharma products developed to ease our discomforts. And there was even Menopause the Musical – which has been attended by over 11mm people in 350 cities!

But menopause is an important and productive time in a woman’s life. It is our turn. It is our birthright to feel empowered, liberated from social straight-jacketing, relieved of the need to please and serve, and ready to take on new and creative things.

One of the big differences between men and women at age 50 is:

  • Women feel:  “It’s my turn.”
  • Men feel: “Time to create my legacy”
  • At menopause (average age 51.5) women have the highest and steadiest level of testosterone they’ve had since puberty.
  • Women begin to feel more confident.
  • They have beginner’s minds, feel optimistic, and are much less likely to put up with bad relationships anymore.
  • Divorces initiated by the wife go up to 65%.
  • They also feel the tug of caring for others much less.
  • They start businesses, begin to pursue creative paths more.
  • Men, by contrast, have lower testosterone every year beginning at the age of 35, and so their estrogen to testosterone ratio is much higher in their 50’s.  They become more nurturing and have “harvest mind.”

All of this – and much more – is research I’ve laid out in my book, Sex, Lies & Creativity – Gender Differences In Creativity. 

But know this. Menopause is a creative and fundamentally great part of a woman’s life – and for the men who love her. It is a time of productivity, creativity and showing the world who you really are capable of being.